Meet Randy
I am an author, professional grief speaker, and unfortunately an experienced griever. I have helped organize bereavement groups in both Quincy, IL and Rochester, MN. I have also helped many individuals to either better understand their grief or better understand how to help others who are grieving.
I offer practical advice about grieving while sharing many of the activities that allowed us to survive the death of my mother, Jean, and my two daughters, Jenelle-age 19, and Amy-age 9.
I have shared my message about grief and grieving with thousands of people across the USA. From church groups to High Schools to small businesses to hospital groups to Civic Organizations.
My wife of forty-one years, Char, and I live in Rochester, MN. I am the proud father of four and exhausted, but proud Grandpa of twin grandsons. I have owned five small businesses and am currently a realtor with Fathom Realty. I am active with the local Chamber of Commerce, my church, and have a leadership role in BNI (Business Network International).
Rotary "Paul Harris" Fellow
BNI--Business Network International--Officer
Chamber of Commerce--Ambassador
Rotary--International Exchange Program Director
Rotarian of the Year award recipient
Jaycees--President of two organizations
Leader/organizer of two bereavement groups
Board Member—Compassionate Friends—Rochester, MN
Board Member—Rochesterfest—Rochester, MN
“I was given this book from a dear friend whom we both share a great, sudden loss of an 18 year old that was close to our families. This book helped me understand how to “best” help the grieving parents-put them before my own grieving. The tips and advice in this book make such good sense and give some guidance and reassurance on what grievers find helpful. Thank you so much for sharing your tragic story. HUGS.” - Heather
Rave Reviews about HUGS HELP
Hugs Help is a wonderful book & has helped me so much to navigate the horrible times after Andy’s suicide. I’m starting to have glimpses where my memories are more positive than not. I try to tell myself that he’d want me to be happy but then think “if he wanted me to be happy he wouldn’t have made that terrible decision”. & I really don’t know how he’d ‘want me to feel’. I can’t tell myself that I knew what he wanted, how he felt or what he thought. I don’t blame myself or think I could’ve done anything since he showed no signs of feeling so hopeless but it is still hard to accept that who I thought he was inside, was wrong. We both told each other OFTEN “you know me better than anyone in this earth”. That’s the toughest part.
Your words about grief really help put things back into perspective. Thank you SOOOOO much for sharing your raw, honest thoughts & feelings that help so many others through the pain
Bernadette Schendel | Chapter Leader at Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends of South Central MN was pleased to welcome Randy Stocker to speak at our grief support group. His honest approach to the challenges felt within a family after the death of loved one(s) enabled him to connect with everyone in the audience. Even those whose grief was decades old were able to acknowledge their grief in a productive way. It was powerful when he shared how each member of his family dealt with their own grief in very different ways. Sharing the knowledge that as long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else, you can grieve in whatever way works for you. Many comments of appreciation were heard as others were encouraged on their own journey with grief. Bernadette S. Chapter Leader TCF South Central MN
Bill Hansen | Agent at Horace Mann Insurance
Randy suffered an unimaginable loss and created a gift for others. His book and his amazing way of speaking about his loss, is teaching others to learn to deal with their feelings and also helping friends of the grieving to communicate effectively and without feeling awkward. Randy helps break down the awkwardness and helps us communicate and to break free of the old adage of suppressing feelings and keeping them bottled up. His insight and words show us how to grieve, how to let those feelings out and to help sort out and share feelings with each other. I highly recommend both the book and any opportunities to hear him speak. Bill Hansen Horace Mann Insurance Rochester MN
Wendy Phillips | Friend at Friend
I can’t imagine anything more painful than losing a child. After the loss of Randy and Char’s two daughters, and his mother, in a tragic accident, their lives were forever changed. As Randy shared his story with me, I found myself asking the question, “How could anybody ever recover from that?” Author Sarah Young writes in her devotional, “Jesus Calling”, “… a living channel absorbs some of whatever flows through it.” Randy’s willingness and tremendous courage to face his own grief, and his deep compassion for others who are grieving, has made him into “a living channel” of healing. As Randy shares his story and offers insights into how to navigate grief, I believe you will discover your own path to healing. What the Enemy intended for destruction; God has turned into Randy’s greatest ministry.
“This book is beautifully written! I literally could not put it down for a long period of time. I learned a lot of helpful things. I’ve learned how to better help grieving people as well as learned to help myself with the grief in my life.” - Laura Unglesbee
“At any given time, we all know someone who is grieving the loss of someone important in their life. How do we help them? Do we send a sympathy card or flowers? Should we drop off a casserole? After that, then what? Although we have a lot of experience dealing with people who are grieving, none of us seem to be very good at it. This book lays out all the right (and wrong) ways to reach out to a griever.” - Diane
“Thank you, Randy and Char, for choosing to document your story, your insights and the pain and hope you have experienced. I know Jean, Jenelle and Amy are smiling down and proud of the way you have carried on with love and hope mixed with the sadness you carry.” - Carrie
“This book is a resource for those who have experience sudden loss. The author's tragic story provides a relatable perspective on how to deal with sudden-loss grief. There are suggestions based on the author's experience for both grievers and those supporting grievers.” - Gary
“Thank you for sharing your story to help friends and family face the unimaginable with the people they love. Thank you for being raw and vulnerable. Thank you for climbing this mountain, and putting your experiences into words, to help those of us that are coming up behind.” - Vonda Rodgers
“I pray that no one must know this pain firsthand, but if you are trying to figure your way forward after such a loss, walking with Randy and Char for even the short chapters they offer might just give you that glimmer of hope that, there IS a way forward.” - J. Volker
It all started with a knock on the door on Tuesday, July 22, 2003. My wife, Char and I, were living in Quincy, IL and were getting ready to have dinner. I opened the door and found the County Coroner standing there. I thought he was doing a fundraising event and told him I wasn’t interested in donating any money at that time. This is when he asked me “Do I know Jean Stocker?”
I said, “Of Course”, she is my mother. That is when he told me that mom was killed in a car wreck near Bloomington, IL, earlier that day. Char and I started to panic because we knew that both of our daughters, Jenelle—age 19, and Amy-age 9, were in the car with Grandma Jean. This is when he told us that both Jenelle and Amy were also killed in the accident.
Like most people who suffer sudden loss, we couldn’t believe what he was telling us. He asked me to call my dad, Frank, and said that he was expecting my call. When Dad got on the phone, all he could say through his tears was “I’m sorry, I am so sorry”.
This is how our tragedy started. We later learned that Mom, Jenelle, and Amy were all killed by a guy who was driving a fully loaded semi-truck, speeding, and reading. He broadsided the car on the passenger side where Jenelle and Amy were sitting. Mom and Jenelle were killed immediately. We later learned that Amy died a few minutes later.
My story, Hugs Help, is about surviving the sudden death of three family members, understanding how grievers feel, and learning how challenging and uncomfortable it is for people to help those of us who are grieving.
Surviving the loss of one child is hard. We were now in a situation where we had to survive the deaths of two children and my mother. Life isn’t always fair. Hugs Help shares the story of how we survived the tragic deaths and unbearable grief brought about by the sudden loss of three family members. The book shares experiences and guidance to both grievers and their families and friends.
That happened to me on July 20, 2003. Our eldest daughter, Jenelle, wanted to spend time with my parents, before she went back to college for her sophomore year. I was so proud of Jenelle. Not many 19-year-old girls “want” to spend more time with Grandpa and Grandma. Unfortunately, I thought it was such a great idea, that I made our 9-year-old Amy go with her.
After spending an amazing day with Grandma Jean back to school shopping, Jenelle, Amy, and Grandma Jean were all killed by a distracted semi-truck driver who was speeding and reading when he broadsided the car. This happened near Bloomington, IL on July 22, 2003.
I have questioned my decision to send Amy along with Jenelle hundreds of times since the accident. Every time, I come up with the same answer—IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
Did you ever make a decision that turns out to be a Terrible one?
Hugs Help Today…
Provides an intimate perspective from someone who has experienced sudden loss.
Shares that voice of experience in slowly turning personal grief into a mission to help others.
Details both acceptable and unacceptable words, actions, and gestures for those supporting grievers
Answers the questions
What does time have to do with grief?
Am I grieving the right way?
How can I help my grieving friend?
My child is dead. Will I ever be happy again?
